Action

I tend to spend a lot of time on this blog talking about justice, poverty, the impact of the gospel and the call to live a changed life as a result which is great except it is just talk. Well that is perhaps all that you the reader sees, the truth is that there is a whole lot of scheming and doing that takes place behind the front of this blog. The exciting thing for you in this post  is that the action is coming to bear, and you have the opportunity to join in!

Over the past few months I have been planning and organising a trip to Rwanda with an organisation called Tearfund. I will be heading out on the 24th of next month (Soon!) for 10 weeks to the capitol (Kigali) where I will be doing development work, mainly in the form of education and training programs to help lift people out of social, material and spiritual poverty. While I am aware that the primary recipient of change over 10 weeks will be me rather than the people I meet I am definitely a believer in Gods ability to radically change a persons life in a much shorter time frame.

If you don't know anything about Tearfund then you should go and find out more over here. The beauty of this trip is that the government, through the ICS programme is funding 90% of the trip! Amazing! What this means is that you and I have the opportunity to get involved in changing the lives of individuals who are in a place of significantly more need than we are (rather than just sitting around talking about their needs). As required by ICS I have to raise £800 by the 7th of March in order to make the trip possible. I have 200 so far but in case the there is not enough incentive purely on virtue of the fact that the money will be changing lives I have decided to take on some challenges...

So - If we manage to raise £500 by this Friday (28th) then I and two of my very good friends will shave our heads, and yes photo evidence and possibly even video will ensue.

If we manage to raise the full £800 then the hair removal will be taken to the next level - we will all get our legs waxed (oh the pain!) I can't imagine that happening without someone videoing to be honest...

In addition, once the goal is reached I will take a full 24 hours of silence (that has to be worth paying for!) to give you all some respite from my harping on!

Donating is easy and safe, you can visit my just giving page: https://www.justgiving.com/ben-currer and if you are a UK tax payer don't forget to Gift Aid :)

Lets turn the talking into some real action.

Theodicy

One day, when I was a child, I lent my relatively new bike to a friend, the friend promptly broke my prized bicycle attempting to go over a jump. In a whirlwind of tears, burning anger and shame at the fact that  I was responsible for a broken bike I ran my it back home. I discarded it on the drive and ran into the house and flung myself on the sofa, barely noticing my fathers presence on the sofa opposite. My dad asked me what was wrong ... To my shame I think I told him to piss off, or at least words to the same effect.

So pretty much a run of the mill tantrum right? Why would I be talking about this now? Because some things about the human condition don't actually change. They change their outfit, sure, but the issue itself remains the same. You, I and every child in the world still have tantrums it's just that most of us dress them up differently now that we have 'grown up'.

When you think about it we have a great number of things to have tantrums over - certainly better reasons than when we were children. We discover poverty, injustice, chronic health conditions, relationship break downs and any other form of suffering that you can think of. There is an in-built trigger of rage and sadness in each of us when we are party to and particularly when we are the target of said suffering.

Of course being grown up we now realise that there is absolutely nothing that our earthly parents can do about these problems, indeed in many cases they are in fact the source of many of these problems. So what do we do? Well all too often we perpetuate the problem, we either internalise and end up imploding turning to self loathing which in turn sabotages all of our closest relationships or we externalise and end up exploding which respectively sabotages all of our closest relationships. Not good.

So this is why I started with this story - because my bike fiasco did not end this way. In response to being told where to go my dad could have taken offence and left me to cry it out on the sofa. Fortunately for me however, I have a good father. He told me that I could tell him what happened and that he could try and help. In my infinite wisdom  I had already concluded that the damage to my bike was beyond repair and as a result there was really nothing that my dad could offer me as consolation in this situation, hence I felt the need to rebuff him. I articulated the conundrum quite effectively - 'my bike is broken'. Of course my dads knowledge of bikes was far superior to mine and so he decided that rather than solving the small problem of my bike he would fix the bigger issue of my attitude. He came over to my sofa and wrapped his arms around me.

Of course he assured me that he would do his best to fix my bike but he was far more interested in letting me know that a much healthier way for me to resolve my issues was to come to him and explain my problem rather than believing the lie that all hope was lost. I had tried to fix my bike myself and couldn't - that doesn't mean my bike is beyond repair. But more important than any of that, my relationship with my dad was of far greater value than any bike I could own. The refrain that shaped my childhood came out once again. 'I might not always like what you do but I will always love you, no matter what.'

After some time on the sofa I calmed down a bit and apologised to my dad, we went out together to get my bike and of course my dad showed me how it could be fixed easily without even needing any tools.

Ok, time to bring this back to us adults. We experience the 'broken bike' in our lives and it hurts, we don't really have any human relationships that are able to fix those hurts but we certainly try. We marry people who 'complete' us, we drink, gamble, sleep around, advance our career, work harder, get stronger be better all in an attempt to fix our broken bike. The issue is that at best we only break our bike further. We divorce, become alcoholics, get into debt, traffick modern day salves, get addicted to porn and cheat to get ahead in the game. Sooner or later we come to the end of our self destructive resources and we have to face the fact that our bike is broken and there is nothing we can do to fix it.

Now comes the equivalent of telling your dad to piss off... We blame God, we say that he cannot exist because of all this mess. We become frustrated with him and run away from him, we throw one heck of a tantrum.

Now here religion can do some seriously weird things, as Christians we often feel the need to cover up our problems. We can't possibly throw a tantrum that is beneath us. God is good and we know it but this situation makes it feel like God is not good. Both cannot be right so I will just bury the feelings and say God is great, YAY, praise the lord! We sell God short and don't actually take our frustration and anger and pain and anxiety to him we just say he is good and busily try and figure out how to patch ourselves up so we can look pretty on Sunday. We even create whole schools of theology to explain why there can be suffering  and a good God (we call it a theodicy) instead of facing our problems. Well this is a Faberge egg. We can do great at making it look pretty on the outside for a bit but it is paper thin and has absolutely no substance to it and just ends up propagating the problem. What's more this is not what the God of the bible tells us to do at all. It is some weird twisted, dismembered, decaffeinated version of what Christ has given us.

 Fortunately for all of us as good as my dad is he is not even a touch on how good God is. While we are far off trying to sort ourselves out and failing miserably he asks 'what is wrong?' it's not that he doesn't know the answer. He is giving you the opportunity to cry out and admit to him and to yourself 'my bike is BROKEN!'.

I can assure you when you make that admission to God, as painful and messy as it can be there is release. For some reason western Christianity has completely forgotten the place of lament, of unashamedly calling it like you see it. Life sucks some times and God is absolutely big enough to handle us screaming at him every now and again. When you are honest with God you give him the opportunity to wrap his arms around you and be enough for you. Now despite the fact that your bike is still in pieces on the drive things are looking better. Why? Because the far more important issue of your relationship with God is improving and that will set you free! The fact that God is also able to put your bike back together (and improve it too) becomes a small side issue by comparison to the fact that you have discovered something better than life itself. The love of God.

Crutch

'God is just a crutch for people who cannot cope with life.'

I have heard this from many people, especially while I was studying the philosophy of religion. When people are saying this they generally mean it as a slight insult to point out the seemingly obvious flaw in religion - it is only for people who are messed up and if you are doing all right then it's essentially pointless - no healthy person walks around with a crutch, it's just wrong. The prime motive of religion is seen as resolving difficult problems  to which there is no real answer. It pursues these resolutions above the pursuit of truth and therefore the latter bends to meet the needs of the former. Thus making it null and void.

Many Christians have responded to this saying that it is not true, God is not a crutch, he is a loving father, a real, personal, powerful, active God. While I believe this sentiment is true I wouldn't respond this way.

What would I say? Well probably something along the lines of ...

Amen! I have tried doing life my own way and I have tried doing it Gods way and without a shadow of a doubt I can confirm that life without God is like trying to walk with broken legs. My legs are broken, I need a crutch. In fact I would say that a crutch is being far too generous to me ... If we are going to analogise God with a piece of medical equipment then he is a defibrillator! I am just a sack of meat and bones without him. Life is void, pleasure is meaningless and death is hopeless without God. The fact that the outcome of a life with God is a positive one is not evidence for the falsification of Gods existence, it is proof of it! To say that a system is fabricated simply because it fulfils the yearnings  of the parishioners   is an absurd use of predetermined logic.

More to the point however, when a person accuses God of being a crutch they omit a very important element of analysis. They do not reflect on their own lives. If they did so then they would very quickly realise that their legs were broken and what they really need is a crutch to lean on. A God to carry them through.  But, as a very good friend once told me 'No one is as deaf as the one who does not want to hear, no one is as blind as the one who does not want to see.'

God puts just one single condition on salvation. Acceptance. You have to accept that your legs are broken before you will be willing to take up a crutch. You have to accept that you cannot make it on your own, you don't have all the answers and you need the help of the one who does before you are ever going to take his hand and let him pull you out of the pit.

Jesus said that he did not come for the healthy but for the sick. What he meant when he said this is not that some are healthy and some are sick. He was effectively saying - I have come for those who are willing to accept the help. Those who recognise their sickness and decide to give it to me instead of just denying it, those are the people I have come for.

Hypocricy

I think many of us are familiar with the searing red hot burn that the innocent heart experiences in the face of hypocrisy. Authenticity is so often assumed (frankly why shouldn't it be - it is definitely the way things should be even if it is not the way things are. ) and the let down when the veneer peels off can be quite devastating. It can take some time to regain trust and the more times we are let down the harder it becomes to believe the hypocrite at all.

That is at least  how it starts - as we get older  and the veneer falls too many times we simply become disenfranchised, disillusioned and disinterested altogether. The norm shifts from authenticity to errancy. There are a few prime examples of this in our culture, the one that was most recently highlighted to me was that of politics.

Jeremy Paxman recently interviewed Russell Brand and the video went viral. Why? Because so many people can so readily sympathise with Brand. He is correct to say that my generation has given up on politics. So many are just so thoroughly  bemused by the hypocrisy of it all that they find themselves asking why bother? Why entertain a system that consistently produces the very antithesis of what it promises?

While I disagree with a great number of other things that Russell suggests in the interview I cannot fault him on how well he captures the despondency produced in people who consistently witness hypocrisy.

Closer to home for me however is the issue of the Church. For as long as politicians have been criticised for being hypocritical so have Christians - particularly church leaders. They are meant to be beacons of righteousness, paragons of purity, towers of truth! But we all know that if you look close enough (or wait long enough) you will inevitably see the cracks and often not little ones either - we are talking grand canyon here. You never have to wait long before you hear another story of a vicar who has been caught with child pornography or cheating on his wife. You can take one look at god TV and get blinded by the gigantic diamond ring on the hand of a man who is talking about giving sacrificially.

And this is just talking about things that get media attention, equally we will find the Christians that we know personally will uphold a moral standard with their mouth but they will live out a very different reality.

Just as it is with politics: the more you hear the less interested you become - church is a lie, God is a crutch and these people are either deceiving or deceived ... Or both.

But here is some good news...

First things first hypocrisy usually has far more to do with the expected standard than it does with the actual action. What do I mean by this? If politicians didn't make such grandiose promises while they were trying to win an election the fact that they messed up during their term would not be such a big let down. Equally if Christians didn't profess such a spotless moral code so the disparity would not seem so great in their lives. Now this is the bit where politics and Christianity part ways. The Bible is a compilation of 66 books written by messed up, broken people who were trying to follow God. The authors do not shy away from the fact that they get it wrong. Often. You can trace deception, murder, rape, adultery, pride, gluttony and just generally plain old failure throughout the pages of the bible. Christians don't (or rather I should say shouldn't) shy away from the fact that they are anything but shining examples of perfect people. Much of the disenfranchisement that people experience from Christianity is birthed from a misconception that it is about being perfect. It really isn't!

So the question then is not 'how come you fail?' everyone fails the question is more 'what does one do in the face of failure?' There is another misunderstanding here too.

To an onlooker it can be quite simple, you condemn the people who totally mess up and you pardon the ones who get it right. Simple. The problem with that is highlighted very well by Jesus himself - 'let him who is without sin cast the first stone.'. Somewhat ironically it would be incredibly hypocritical to pronounce such a judgement on anyone given that whoever it is throwing the stone will themselves have royally messed up at some point in their lives ... Who are they to judge?

The bible offers an alternative to condemnation in the face of failure. Grace. A second chance. Redemption. So while Christianity is littered with people messing it up throughout the ages it is also full of the same people being given another chance to try to do better next time. Sadly the 'trying to do better next time' is often communicated in a very judgemental way, listing off things that we all do and saying 'these are all wrong!' It gives the impression that you can't 'join the club' if you do these things. That is not the case at all... It is more saying look at all these terrible things that we all do yet seem incapable of stopping - we need to join the club to rescue us from those things!

So next time you see a Christian who sets their standard as perfection and falls short of that standard, don't leap to the conclusion that they are a hypocrite, perhaps realise that they are trying to be a better person but that it doesn't happen over night.

So what am I saying here - Christians always have a perfect motive but they are just not the best at executing the plan? No. I am not even saying that Christians are not hypocrites... Just less than they are accused of being. I would say that to be a hypocrite is to be human. No, hypocrisy is not a good thing but it is a common thing among all people. So if you have problems with Christianity because of the hypocrisy of Christians then you should feel welcome, they are not so different from you after all.

Finally I would address the distinction between a hypocritical person and a hypocritical system. Sadly for us all there are some Christians who don't just set standards for themselves but for everyone else as well. It is one thing to set perfection as your own standard but to hold other people to account on that standard is quite another thing. this is what gets us really hot under the collar. When someone is 'Holier than thou' and pronounces everyone else sinners as though they themselves were faultless, all the while trying to cover up their own shortcomings. While there may be people who call themselves Christians who behave like this it does not change the fact that this is anything but Christianity. In fact it is this group of people who Jesus most strongly opposed. The Pharisees. If people had arch enemies Jesus would have picked the Pharisees to be his. They were the religious elite who made ridiculous rules that were impossible to keep so they could puff themselves up and be 'holier than thou'. Jesus called them whitewashed tombs and a pit of vipers. Sadly there are still some Pharisees around today but try not to let them put you off Jesus even if they profess to follow him. 

Capacity

Lately I have been confronted by my limitations. This might seem quite proud in itself - how are you ever not aware of your limitations? Well perhaps it is pride that puffs you up enough that when you catch a glimpse of yourself you are shocked at just how deflated you really are.

Anyway, lately I have been confronted by my own limitations, but first some background. It is now approaching 2 years since I handed in my resignation, left my job and my home and flew off to South Africa (things have never been the same since). Before I left for South Africa I was not doing great, somewhat disillusioned, lacking drive to really do anything I was in serious need of some focus in life. Well, I certainly found it. It is amazing how much more we find ourselves able to do when given the right drive. When you find that thing that you know you can do, that you are good at doing, that you love doing and won't ever get bored of doing it can be ecstasy.

I found I was able to push myself for longer, live louder, bigger and stronger. Naturally this was not so narrow as to be limited to my work in South Africa. It spilled over into my social life, Prayer life, exercise , eating, breathing... Everything had more depth, life was just more full. My capacity was significantly bigger. I was far more busy in those 6 months than I had been in the previous 6 yet I had more time for people, more time to listen, more to invest.

This increase in capacity was much more than perhaps meets the eye. Finding that thing that you are good at ... Finding your thing is much more than discovering something about yourself. It is discovering what God has placed in you. And when you start living in line with Gods will using those gifts for his purposes it changes everything and that is good news.

It is good because that thing, that gift, no longer terminates on you, it is for a higher purpose, a deeper meaning, a fuller expression. That gift is for God, for his glory as an expression of part of who he is. It is good because the pressure is no longer on you. Let's take one example. How many men have found that they are naturally gifted in business? And how many of those men have felt that the success of their business is such a reflection of them, so dependent on them that they are willing to sacrifice so much to make it thrive ?... How many marriages has that destroyed, how many families has it torn apart? But when that gifting is recognised as being about God, rather than the man, how releasing is that? He no longer has to prove himself as the most successful business man out there, no longer has to compare himself to how everyone else is doing, no longer has to sell himself and his life and his families lives into his business because it is no longer his, but Gods.

I am not saying that recognising the gifts God has given you is permission to be lazy with them, on the contrary how much more would you want to nurture and train in a God-given skill. Neither am I saying that  God is simply a tool for getting a good work/rest balance, plenty of people do that without the help of God. What I am saying is that all your skills, and in fact every breath you take is a gift from God, not just a human function and the difference of those perspectives is like the difference between shadows and real forms.

So ... Why did I start with talking about limitations? Because the year since coming back from South Africa was one very long kick in the stomach. Because despite the fact that I had tasted and seen and lived life to the full for a time did not make me impervious to royally messing up. Being in line with God's will for your life is a matter of choice and just as being in line results in life to the full so being out of line results in chaos.

Now It is very important that you do not read what I am not writing here. I am not saying 'follow God and your life is going to be all rainbows and sunshine.' Some people would have you believe that and they are simply wrong - anyone with any amount of life experience can testify to that. Neither am I saying that if you don't follow God your life is going to be one long train wreck. - That is also perfectly possible with God.

What I am saying is that your outlook on life (irrelevant of whether your life is hard or easy)will radically change. Your talents, pleasures and laughter will have a greater capacity - because they are no longer limited by you. And your tears, aches and mourning will not be hopeless because your hope is no longer limited by you or those around you.

And yes, when you have been through a season of serious trial you still come out the other end feeling beat up and very aware of your limitations. But the good news is that whatever your limitations you can know a God who is limitless, with whom all things are possible. So I want to be honest, following God doesn't necessarily stop the storms of life and it doesn't remove the opportunities to make stupid choices. It does something far better. God can take your joys, talents and laughter and make them less hollow. And He can take your anxieties, limitations and helplessness and give you hope.

Title font used: '814yzx'

Innocence

There is a unique beauty in innocence. It is something to be treasured, marvelled at, enjoyed and protected. Fiercely.

The edges of the world seem less sharp and pointed, more accommodating and generally better when we are innocent. Why? Innocence is guiltlessness, it is having no red on your ledger, no debt owed, nothing to worry about. It is freedom. Freedom from caution, the caution that that is birthed from an expectation of attack, retribution, disappointment and pain. Innocence says that the default is good, not bad, that the outcome will be positive not negative. Innocence is the opposite of being jaded.

Innocence is often associated with naivety, negative connotations of unreality, blindness and foolishness... The waiting period before waking up to the cold harsh reality of life and the smell of ash. It is the cushion that makes you feel safe but doesn't actually break your fall or stop you from snapping your legs.

If this is what you think of innocence then you are not alone. You must have been jaded by life's kicks to the stomach. But there is yet hope. Truth is that you can change your view on the whole thing, if you choose to.

Now you might be pointing to your circumstances right now and saying 'There really is no way I can look at this mess and have any other view than my one right now - and yes I am jaded - for good reason! My Jadedness reminds me that this is what I should expect and that makes this circumstance less shocking and easier to deal with.'

Well, I have no idea what your circumstance is right now but I do know that I have been kicked in the stomach a few times and I have felt the same way about life. Hard exterior keeps me safe. But then I stumbled upon a little nugget of truth (well actually it came and found me out).

You lost your innocence? Welcome to the club, now chew on this: Your innocence can be restored.

You might think I am saying that because I don't know just how deep the pile of filth is that you lost your innocence in a long time ago, but that's not it. I am saying that because it is true, was for me and is for you - doesn't matter who you are.

His name is Jesus and he can be your innocence. Bit of a weird concept to the uninitiated so give me a second here... You, me and literally every other person out there has lost their innocence to a greater or lesser degree. All of us except for this one guy - Jesus. Now one of the most amazing things about innocence is that it holds on to hope, even in the face of the worst situations. That is what Jesus held onto - despite the fact that he knew all of us were a complete mess he held onto the hope that some would decide to choose freedom from all the entangled mess. So he gave up his innocence, took the punishment that he did not deserve, and absorbed all of the guilt of whoever would decide to make the trade.

Now here is a weird thing about guiltiness, once you have been condemned, jaded, broken - you get used to it. This is the reason that criminals so often keep re-offending - they have lost their innocence. Even though they might do their time and pay the sentence for their actions they still feel jaded even though in the eyes of the law they are now innocent. So they just keep on acting like they did before because the way they perceive themselves is not as clear cut or as quick to change as the legal system is. So they re-offend and go back to square one.

We are all exactly the same as this - we might not be breaking the laws of our country but we are all constantly breaking moral, spiritual laws that we generally agree are good. Do not steal. Do not lie. But we do!  That is why Jesus is SUCH good news because he can make you innocent again! But here is the danger - we do the same as the re-offending criminal. We get declared innocent but we don't feel that way. Well here is a lesson we Christians need to learn - tell  your feelings to line up with the truth.

The good news continues here as well. God doesn't just release us from prison and let us wander around aimlessly - he helps us. He is our crutch that lets us stand even with broken legs. If we ask him, he is faithful to restore to us what the locusts have eaten. We might not ever be what we were before but we can retrieve our innocence and we can be stronger than before we ever fell in the first place.

Even though I have done my time

And paid for my crime

Everything is not just fine

I can't get my feelings in line

Cant shake the guilt in this heart of mine

-  Oh pine my soul, pine!  -

For the ineffably divine

To make sense of this mess where there is no reason or rhyme

To his purity and innocence let my life bind

That freedom and release in him I might find

He is open, compassionate and kind

Powerful and pervading, able to renew my mind

Sets me free from the meritocracy grind

Oh my soul, let your worth by him be defined

Amazing grace! Now I can see, I am no longer blind!

Title font used: 'Euterpe'

Yoke

My head is down , remembering its place in the yoke

Compunction and terror, bahal

morally broke.

Is this a Joke?

How am I here again?!  Walking in the path of sinful men

Sitting in the seat of scoffers am I completely off my rocker?

How far can I fall, how deep does it go, have I no sense at all?

Am I just a sucker for a beating, do I still look for meaning in things that are fleeting?

Get up my soul. Stand firm. It's time to let the old man burn.

It was for freedom that Christ  set you free

 do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Remember it now and remember it well

 you have been released, no matter how far you fell.

He is your strong tower, your tower of refuge. He is the rock on which you stand and he shelters you under his wing.

Follow the Sheppard to the hiding place, tucked  away from the storm in the crevice of the mountain's shadow sing.

Surrounded by storm, fire, smoke and dust

quite yourself and trust.

/Selah/

Hear the still small voice of your loving father.

He calls you by name, feels your pain and reminds you again...

"Oh child of mine, you are known to me, even if you flee to the other side of the sea

 there is nowhere you can go that I won't be.

You are mine, my own and I will never leave you alone.

Don't you know how much this cost? Don't belittle what I have lost

My only son, that's right that's what I've done, the price I paid so you could come

Now sit down at the table take off that yoke remember you are planted by the river like a mighty oak

By the streams of living water your soul will be quenched, tread deeper and deeper get thoroughly drenched.

This grace is limitless, the ocean bottomless forget the superfluous worries of this world and fix your eyes on the prize and let your gaze rise to the skies cause I am coming back to rescue my bride.

So forget those chains of sin and put on this band of love, you are only here for a time but you were made for heaven above."

Here I am send me

They look back in time

Sealed in a picture, held in a moment forever.

I remember their story, their pain

Knowing I will never see them again.

Impressions left and memories made.

Radical love to them displayed

But for a time so brief and fleeting

What can be changed in a single meeting?

With me not much I am just a Man

But encounter HIM because he can

Change it all in a single instant

Bring new life to a heart despondent

He goes with us wherever we go

Leading us against the flow

And ebb of this culture, this world

We can't stop until they've all been told

They have to hear it so who will go?

These perishing people have to know

Who will stand and shout it out

Spreading this hope all about

This world heading to anguish and torment

Whose hearts are hard, remaining dormant

They long for freedom and second birth

They need to know what they are worth

The price that was paid and the blood that was shed

The thorns that were slammed onto his head

The spear that pierced his aching side

While soldiers gambled to divide

His broken clothing bloodied and torn

And the onlookers jeer and scorn

He breathes his last his live is given

No not taken but freely given

The earth shakes the sky turns black

The sin of the world was on his back

The veil is torn and the dead rise up

He has drunk the abominable cup

He drank it all down to the lease

The centurion drops to his knees

Surely this was the son of God

Who descended from heaven and this earth trod

Why didn't he just set himself free?

Call a legion of angels with a single plea

This is the centre of a bigger picture

You need to look at the whole of scripture

This has always been the plan

To save the world through a single man

After Adam screwed it up

And was unable to take that cup

There was never any other way

It had to conclude on that day

The spotless man completely righteous

He is the only one able to clean us

But it isn't over just wait 3 days

And the son of God will return and raise

Death is beaten, swallowed up

Jesus is stronger than that cup

And then he gives his last command

One final single parting demand

You must tell others about my name

So their salvation they might claim

Do not let this price be paid in vein

Tell this world about my name

Wherever you go I'll be with you

That is the promise that I issue

And wherever you go you must tell

That I've made a way to escape from hell

When people meet you they should see me

And they should know that they can be free

Preach it with your mouth your life your thoughts

This life is not mine I have been bought

So get going now to the ends of the earth

Proclaiming the need for second birth

lift the veil from their eyes

Cause if you don't they will die

Never having known there was only one way

Leading to the father on that final day

What is my response to a task that is bigger than the sea?

Here I am LORD ... Please ... Send me.

Laudium #2

'Please, pray for me. I am addicted to glue, I want to stop and go to rehab but I'm addicted, pray for me!'

She had a glue pot in her hand and her fingers were covered in glue. She stood just below my shoulder height and looked as though she were in her late 40s. She was as thin as a rake and as high as a kite. Her forefinger and thumb were corroded, the skin was black and dead from all the handling of solvents. She was lowly. Let's call her Sally.

We obviously prayed for her with the lady who had called us over in the first place (turns out she was a Christian) Afterwards Sally asked us to come and visit her the following day when she was not high so we arranged a time and took her address.

The following day we discovered that the address was completely wrong and that Sally was fairly well known in the community. The resident at the false address gave us better directions.

Note to self - don't rely on information given by people who are high.

We found her at her place shortly after and she was sober. She was happy to see us and I don't believe she meant to give us an incorrect address. She explained she didn't have any tea so couldn't offer us any but we had bought our own. She got cups from the neighbours as hers were all filled with glue. As she made us tea she explained a bit about her life. She lost her mother at a young age and had a huge amount of hurt in her childhood. She ended up as a prostitute at the age of 17 and from there got hooked on drugs. Later she met her now partner, let's call him Sam. Sam Gave her a house, food, love and drugs. He did not really set her free from prostitution, he just made it exclusive. She explained how he abuses her but she is strong - she fights back. Sam is addicted to Cocaine and he is 49 - a similar age to my own father, a scary thought. Fortunately the drugs usually pacify him more than anything.

After we had been talking with Sally for some time Sam arrived back home. He went straight through the living room where we were talking and into his room. Sally first explained how lucky we were that he did not immediately kick us out and then introduced us and explained what he was doing as he was crushing the cocaine pill into a powder. I sat down next to him and started talking as he smoked. The girls went back into the living room. I sat and talked to him for some 2 hours (we overran the time we were meant to stay quite significantly) he explained that he was a Muslim and believed in the Quran. I questioned about his drug addiction, he knew he was not supposed to be on drugs and that he was meant to be praying 5 times a day but that belief seemingly made no difference at all, his justification was that he was able to hold down a job and afford his drugs and he didn't hurt anyone. I didn't bring up the abuse of his partner.

Sam was quite happy to tell me lots about his beliefs and stories from the Quran. I questioned him on his belief about Jesus. He immediately kicked up a fuss and went on a 20 minute rant about Christians and their beliefs - almost all of which he was mistaken about.

I talked to him about what we actually believe but he was very dismissive and often very rude but I can handle insult if it opens the door for me to share what I know.

The gospel is offensive to some, especially to Muslims when it comes to Jesus being the son of God so I figure if we are unable to receive our fare share of insults how can we expect them to.

Our conversation got quite heated at times (though nothing compared to some of the conversations I have had with my own family about issues that we agree on 99% of the time)  I later realised that Sally had started crying when she heard him shouting because she was afraid of what he would do to me. In the end though he actually invited us back on Friday for dinner - no small deal when it is straight from his pocket and he is not exactly wealthy, Cocaine is pretty expensive.

In the time that I had been talking to Sam one of Sallys friends had popped in and the 2 girls who I was with talked with her as well. Let's call her Kate. Kate is a Cocaine addict and professes to be a Christian, she is not in as deep as the other two - she holds down a job and doesn't need to smoke every day but she is still trapped.

That Friday during the day one of our team members met Sally in the street. She was covered in glue and was very high - she explained that they had no electricity in the house and that we could not come. We decided to learn from the first lesson and ignore the retraction of the invite - we did not expect to get fed but we needed to show that God loves this lady - especially when she makes mistakes.

We went and on the way to her place we Found Sally in the street sniffing glue. She invited us back to hers - the lights were on and Sam was in and so was Kate. Sam greeted us with a smile but was clearly not happy that we were there. He went to the kitchen to continue smoking and we sat in their room with Kate and Sally. We prayed for them and as we did so they wept, we were tearing up as well but had to remain strong while there. They knew that they had to leave it behind and they want to make God everything - even more than drugs in their life - but it is not an easy decision to make. Sally explained how she was not going to take glue that day but someone on the street had just handed it to her. She was completely sober by this point, we told them that they need to get out. They need to leave this place and these people if they are going to give up their addiction but it is not easy to tell someone that they need to leave the people they love in order to stop taking the drug they are addicted to but they knew that it was true, they knew that what they were doing was killing themselves. Sally said 'I want to follow God but I know when I take drugs I let the devil inside.' They told stories of some of the dreams that they have and it was nothing short of terrifying. We sang some worship songs together that they knew from childhood. When we were done Sally was smiling, 'I feel hope' she said. She had a sparkle in her eye that was not there before.

The next time we saw Sally was the following Tuesday, 4 days later, it was our last day and we wanted to say goodbye and pray with her one last time. She was alone in her house again and sober. We asked how she had been and she explained that after we left on Friday she Sam and Kate had smoked solidly for3 days until Monday afternoon and she now had severe chest pain because of all the glue. We asked her to be honest, not to tell us what we wanted to hear but to tell the truth - was she ready to leave drugs, was she sincere about quitting and following God whole heartedly. There was a local pastor who ran a rehab but he would not take on any patients unless they were very serious and committed to quitting. Her response was heart breaking. She simply said 'I don't know, I am weak' I am glad that she gave an honest answer though. We prayed again with her and asked her to pray. She said I don't know what I would say. We said she needs to tell God everything, all the things that hurt, explain the reason why she started drugs, talk about everything that hurts that she wants God to heal. She prayed and just thanked God that he loves her - that she saw in us. It was strange to see someone so ready to pour out her heart and past and hurt onto complete strangers but unwilling to address that hurt before God. Actually I think we all do that and it is a real battle to take those things before God despite the fact that we  know that he already knows what we would say. There is that knowledge that we have to admit our problems to ourselves before we tell God about them and we know that God won't just sit on that information. He will do something about it. He will begin to heal but that is a sometimes a long and very painful process but it is worth it.

We are all addicts to sin - we need to admit that before God or we will never be free.  Only once we have admitted that can God begin to address the reason that we are addicts and heal us of the sickness that all mankind shares.

Title font used: 'Alhambra'

Laudium #1

I have spent the last 2 weeks in a township called Laudium. Created in the 60s under apartheid for 'non whites'. This results in a very concentrated population of Indians who are now 3rd or 4th generation South Africans yet somehow have maintained their Indian accent and to some extent their culture.

A Minaret

This was a world faiths outreach - the purpose being to gain a greater understanding of the other main world religions. Laudium is around 60% Muslim 30% Hindu and 5% Christian. This outreach put a face on those numbers.

The cleaning area in the Mosque

On the first day we visited a Mosque and a Hindu temple for exposure. It was a very interesting insight into a different world. The Mosque was clearly very well funded and our tour guide was very friendly and allowed us to take pictures. Dream.

The 99 names of Allah

The Hindu temple was quite different - it was dilapidated and the stench of incense was almost overwhelming. The thing that stood out the most though is that the people who ran the temple were more than happy to give 2 completely contradictory answers to the same question asked by 2 different people just 5 minutes apart. In my limited experience this pretty much sums up Hinduism.

The Tamil Hindu temple

For our duration in Laudium we were reaching out into an area called white blocks. It is the poorest area in the town yet is a stone's throw from the houses of millionaires. It was quite surreal everyday to walk past a mansion with a Porsche Cayenne in the drive and 5 minutes later be in someone's house who didn't even have a handle on the door let alone a lock because they have nothing worth stealing.

The prayer price list

Laudium and specifically White Blocks is renowned for being gripped by drugs, any substance you want you can get it there and where there are drugs there is crime. Most of the people we talked to in the 2 weeks made some mention of the murder of a 16 year old boy the previous month in the streets that we were walking on, though the way it was talked about was common place. We visited one house and asked the 18 yr old there whether he felt safe in Laudium. He said 'No' and pointed to the bullet hole in his wall - it was at head height.  He explained how thankful he was that he was not in the house at the time and his plans to leave Laudium as soon as he could.

A Hindu shrine in a house

The police seem powerless to do anything about this, We were talking to one Muslim lady who runs a tuck shop with her husband from their house. We were asking them about how their beliefs affect their lifestyle and how they find living in an area like White blocks. She said that they loved it and would never go anywhere else because they have a strong community. In the hour and a half or so that we were talking I counted at least 5 different people who walked into the courtyard and bought drugs off of the ladies family members. The tuck shop was across the road from the police station.

On another occasion we were talking with some guys by the side of the road about crime, the local area, police etc and a policeman drove past. The man we were talking to flagged him down, he clearly knew the officer. He asked him a question  'A personal question: A good cop is a dead cop. True or false?'

The cop laughed. 'No, no some times in order to catch the criminals you first have to make friends with them.' He smiled and then explained that he really needed to change out of his uniform before talking any more.

Policing will never change the hearts of men, Only Jesus can do that.

Title font used: 'Alhambra'